Fear.

Fear can be paralyzing. 

"They" say we should face it head on and move through it. I agree, but some days it's easier said than done. 

Change is scary and lord knows I've had a ton of change in the past year. I crave some stability and the answers to "who am I and how did I get here?"

I have been trying to pay attention to the  doors opening in my life vs the doors that have closed. It's scary. That new door brings a lot of what if's and unknowns. But isn't that the point in life? Aren't we suppose to step outside our comfort zone? 

So I am taking that step. I'm scared, but hey, life has shown me the past year that it's unpredictable and nothing goes as you think it will. So why not step out of that place we "know" and "get to know" the new space in front of me. 

Winter's Beauty

The beauty of a snow storm is when you don't have to be out in it. I managed to snow blow for the first time ever today - blew out my driveway and my two neighbors. (Neighbors snow blower). I was happy to give back to the people who have been helping me out since knee surgery in November. I burned 600+ calories shoveling and blowing...and my knee is only a tiny bit sore.

I do LOVE how the trees look after a storm like we had. I hope everyone got to where they needed to today safely. Hunkering down is good in this weather.

Food for Thought

Sometimes we receive gifts and messages when we least expect it.
I received this today, I hope you like it too.
KK


Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Aging is not easy, but what's our alternative?
- Helen Casey

The kind of attitude we developed over our lives determined how we saw every detail of each experience. Even now our attitude holds us hostage. The misunderstanding that many of us have is that we think we can't really change how we see our world. Nothing is further from the truth. We can make a large or small shift in our perceptions instantly. The outcome is that everything about our lives changes from that moment forward. Thus, how we perceive the aging process is controlled by our willingness to look at it again.

Helen has aged gracefully. At 86, she still finds time for making new friends, three bridge clubs a week, daily mass and frequent communication with her children and relatives. She carries a positive, hopeful attitude with her wherever she goes, which inspires others, young and old.

It wouldn't appear that aging has been hard on Helen. But the truth of the matter is that she has suffered many losses. What she has managed to hold onto, though, is her faith in God and her willingness to see every "glass as half full."

How lucky we are that we can "tinker" with our attitude for as long as we're alive, and if we aren't completely happy, we have work to do. As Helen says, there is no alternative to aging, except death. What happens now is up to us.

I am only as old as I decide to feel today.

Life is fucking hard.

I said the words "life is fucking hard" today to a friend going through some heavy stuff. It stemmed from my own feelings lately about life due to my circumstances, but also because I have a number of friends who are being hit with some really tough things in life. It is just how I felt and you know what? It really can be sometimes!

I was watching Downton Abbey This week and this line was said:
"Sometimes I think life is about a series of problems that come our way, and figuring out how to answer them"... "And then we die". I think that this is spot on. I think it's about how we handle life as it comes at us. I'm not going to say it will be easy. IT ISN'T! and I'm not going to say I'm great at this, in fact I've been very down and discouraged about life in general lately. (Laid off while being told I am great at my job, two people I know passing, the polar vortex, my weight, my friends painful circumstances...etc). I hope though, that we can figure out the answers and move through the crappy stuff with love.

I know the funk I am in will pass. I don't like this feeling and so I am working to move through it quickly, yet honor my feelings too. I have watched others fall apart and treat others like crap while dealing with hard things in life (I've been that punching bag for others before - it isn't fun), but I am choosing to try and go through this with love and kindness, not anger and hurt. I may not always be at my best, but I promise to try. I've started this by embracing the silver linings and the blessings that come my way every day, here are a few:

• Paying attention to the positive messages from strangers, they have been coming my way lately. 
• My neighbor child's hugs, kisses and laughter.
• My neighbors. The text insisting I spend Valentine's Day with them was awesome...plus so much more!
• My dog cuddling close. 
• The artwork by a kindred spirit that was sent to me today (picture below). 
• My friend through cancer fighting talking me into a trip to Miami to see him and escape the polar vortex. 
• My Delta miles to get me to Miami. 
• My girls...enough said.
• Having dinner at my childhood friends moms house with her kids. 
• My cousin-sister-friend moving back to MN and bringing her hubby and newborn son. 
• Having a lake home loaned to me to bring all my girlfriends together for laughter and fun. 
• My trainers belief in my ability - it is far beyond what I believe I can do. 
• Managing an hour on my bike trainer 3 months after my second knee surgery. 
• Reconnecting with really amazing women and men I have lost touch with. 
• Dancing all night to JT with my girls. 
• Watching my friends sons play hockey against each other.
• A healthy family.

When I write that list I think, "life is good KK, pull up your boot straps and go get em'!" 

KK