Random thoughts of a SINK

After a pretty crappy 2013 (two knee surgeries, laid off from a job and a major break up) I decided that in 2014 I would not plan my life away but instead, take it as it comes. It was eye opening and lessons were learned. I decided to spend less time on people who never call, but who I always planned things with...meaning I was doing all the work and I also decided to say yes to more things instead of doing the asking and planning. A busy calendar doesn't mean a full life.

Sitting back and taking life as it came brought me to places that forced me outside my comfort zone and to spend more time alone and embracing what that means to be 45 (now 46) and single with no kids. Scary shit if you ask me...but also really awesome that this life has allowed me to truly LIVE a life that was given to me. I didn't plan it out this way, but I do appreciate that being a SINK (single income no kids) allows me a lot of freedom, and my life path has brought me down many fun, interesting, challenging and downright "cool" roads. Don't get me wrong, I am still hoping for Mr. Right to come along...especially since I spent many years with Mr Wrongs... but what I realized was I was maybe running from my singlehood by being so busy and this past year I truly embraced it by slowing down.

The phone doesn't ring as often as it did when we were in our 20's and 30's. People are busy. We are all tired and when we get a free night people now chose to stay in, especially if you are part of a couple or have kids. In our 20's we focused our priorities on our social life and friends, but in our mid 30's to early 40's that changes. The priority becomes a persons immediate family (their significant other and their children) and their careers. However for a SINK, the priorities are different. In fact, it is hard to figure out what ours should be. Finding a partner? Focus on a career? Emerce ourselves into volunteer work? Focus on our health? I see my fellow SINKs bounce between these priorities. Never truly settled on one. It isn't that we are not happy, we are, but the world we live in is not made for SINKs in their 40's... so we need to find our path that best suits us and attempt to navigate it as best possible.

Being a SINK also comes with assumptions made by others:

• Relatives stop asking if you are seeing anyone, as they seem to have accepted you as a SINK for life
• Friends assume since you don't have kids, you don't want to be around their kids
• People assume we are career focused because we are successful and haven't married
• Friends assume I can't understand anything about their life because "I am not married or have kids"
• Married friends assume their single friends are living the life of Sex and the City - the early shows, when they were young and going out. 

This is not meant to be a pity party about being a SINK. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I know better now who I am more than any other time in my life. I have friends from many parts of my life and get to spend time with them ... when we can make it work. I get to be an awesome aunt to my friends and cousins kids. I get to travel anywhere I want. I have a growing appreciation for my parents as they age and for how precious life is for all of us. 

What I do want to get across, is that SINKs have a different struggle we don't see played out on TV, in the movies or in books. When it is, it is always an extreme career-aholic who finds love to save her... I don't know anyone like that. What does happen is we find our tribe of people who accept us for who we are, and we accept them. We embrace that tribe and enjoy this thing we call life. An electric word life that means forever and that's a mighty long time... sorry I digress into PRINCE. But you get the point. Life as a SINK isn't glamorous, but it isn't horrible either. I guess it just is like everyone elses life...only different. I wanted to let you see inside of the not so "normal" life of a SINK from one girls point of view.