Lessons learned.

Been thinking a lot about 2013 and the challenges and heart ache it brought.  I entered the year so optimistic, and ended up having hopes, faith and dreams smashed. I'm not going to lie, it has been rough. 

A broken heart

A failed non profit

Two knee surgeries 

... that is a lot. 

Looking forward to a new year. A Healthy, happy and joyful new year. 

I have come to realize that I need to change up some things in my life. As the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. Right?

I hope the changes will be what I need to regain trust in others and faith in myself to do what is right for me. 

Happy New Year! 

Two weeks down.

Two weeks ago at this time I was in excruciating pain. Now I am in annoying pain, I can't drive, and it's an adventure to do things around the house. BUT I'm on the road to recovery!  

I managed a big presentation at work last week and was thankful the next part isn't due for a few weeks. 

Yes my knee hurts. 

But hey, I have awesome friends and family who help me out. 

Had an awesome birthday gathering, managed to navigate Target Center for John Mayer and Phillip Phillips and managed Turkey Day with my family just fine. 

Got a real workout in today and now resting and watching Homeland, Season 3. It's tough to watch after being in a relationship with a man who is bipolar and choose to come off meds and destroy our relationship. 

It's a sad illness for someone to have. It's one that people struggle with their whole life once diagnosed, and one people need a lot of support with. But when they are embarrassed and won't tell anyone they are bipolar - will they have no support, no one there to help them navigate things. So this show is tough to watch, especially when he told me he could relate to the main characters struggle. 

It's sad, but I still love this show and will always care about him. I can separate the man from the disease. Even if he can't. 

What a week. Surgery #2.

It's been a very bumpy past 7 days. A week ago today I found out they had a donor and I would have surgery Friday. I rallied my troops and prepared for the big surgery. This was the biggest surgery I have ever had. 

A nerve block? Umm Okay. I'm Not sure why but if you say so. 

So when it wears off I will be okay? Maybe need a few narcotics?

The scar will be how long? Can you make it pretty?

No brace needed? Awesome? 

8:30pm Friday night I awoke to major pain. 

Leg in a brace and feeling like a truck hit me. 

A few minutes later, my first experience with a bed pan. Which left me with wet underwear. Awesome. 

A few minutes later they tell me it's time to go home. 

My auntie manages to get me home. For a bit we stand outside as the keys seem lost. But hey I'm feeling no real pain, just tired. 

That night my friend Lisa takes over as caretaker. Getting me up at 12:30, 4:30 and 8:30 for narcotics. I tell her at 4:30 that it hurts a bit more so the nerve block must have wore off. 

The next morning I'm managing around the house in my crutches and Lisa says "I thought you would be out of it and need more help", to which I  reply "it isn't too bad". 

Speed up 3 hours. 

Now... THE NERVE BLOCK WEARS OFF! 

I start hugging the back of the couch and my leg is seizing up in pain. I've NEVER had pain like this. What do we do? The pills we have are doing nothing. 

Lisa calls the hotline. They say "Advil" or "bring her to the ER"... Neither seemed doable as i laid there trying to catch my breath. 

Finally she makes the call, we are going to the ER she calls Eddie for help. As I stand leaning on couch waiting, I start to black out and move myself to the kitchen sink where I throw up. This as Eddie walks in and I yell "don't come in here".... After all, a neighbor husband does not need to see that from anyone but his wife or child. 

We get to the ER and it's packed. I couldn't believe it 

Whilst in triage the nurse tells me I will need to go wait in the waiting room. I explain I will need to lay on the floor out there, as the wheel chair is horribly painful. 

What's the scale of pain? She asks. Me: 10+  And cringe. 

She disappears, coming back with her personal stuff and says she is changing work stations and she found an empty bed where she was going. She took me with her, had me in a gurney and with a doc with in 10 minutes. 

I can't remember her name, but I'm hoping it's on paperwork somewhere so I can thank her. 

After 5 bags of hyrdomorphine they have me a bag of Valium.... And oxygen. As apparently my oxygen levels dropped low and the cocktail I was on can be deadly.

WTF??

We finally were able to be discharged. There was talk of keeping me over night, but I fought them on that. Too scary. 

Lisa took me home. 

Tanya stood at Walgreens for 1.5 hrs waiting in new prescrips and eventually got to my house to take over nurse duties. I have very little memory of that night once the meds were put in me. But I'm sure of one thing, my friends are angels!!

May I never have to have this surgery again. 

But I also don't lose sight that someone died long before they should have for me to get this new knee. 

Are you a donor?

 

October, already?

Time has been flying. 

Someday so can hardly believe it is now Fall and here we are in October! Fall is my favorite time of year, I love the activities and the weather. I'm melencholy  over last years Fall time, but have plenty to look forward to this fall too. 

Cheers to new beginnings!

Only bad part of this Fall? My knee is a disaster. Even my Physical Therapist looked defeated. I head to an MRI and Surgeon appointment Monday. My PT is going to try and attend the appointment with me. I am not sure what will come out of that, but pretty sure surgery will be happening again. I'm frustrated, anxious and sad about that. I'm so over knee pain and swelling. I just want to feel normal and be active again. And I'm so mad I don't have my Vicodin anymore! :)

Ok. I'm done whining. 

Time to kick in my strength training again, I just need to be really careful. My PT has put major limits back on. 

So I'm focusing on the positive:

- the fall colors are starting!

- I am constantly reminded about how amazing my friends are. 

- I am making myself get out more. I've been staying home so much the past 6 months since surgery. Trying to break that habit. 

-my cousin is coming to stay with me a few days, which is always awesome. 

- I have awesome family :)

- my dog. Enough Said. 

Enjoy the journey!

Plot twists

A few weeks ago, my pseudo surgeon, Joe, informed me that the surgery may not have worked.
We will review again in two months.
My PT believes I'm better off than I think and hopes I will improve over the next two months.
This was not what I hoped to hear....at all.

This news came the day after another big change in my life and the plans I had for my future.

I continue to find that just when you think you've got life figured out, it throws a plot twist your way.

In both cases I entered the situation with much optimism and hope.
In both cases my faith and hope were tested.
In the first case, the actions spoke louder than the words... and a change in direction was needed.
In the case of my knee, the pain seems to be speaking louder than the recovery...and I'm guessing a decision will need to be made about a possible second surgery.

Both situations are disappointing and suck, but they are my story
I read this quote last week and its my new mantra:
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "plot twist" and move on.

So... "PLOT TWIST!"

 I just wish I could read the last page of my book and know everything was going to be okay.

Biking, Buddy, Big Ole and a Brain Tumor

Spent Friday and Saturday in Alexandria hanging with Matt.  The place we stayed was right on the bike trail.

Friday we unpacked and headed to town on our bikes.

Only problem was starting up. I push down on my right foot and that hurt.  But the rest was great. I was so happy to be biking!! We headed to see Big Ole and to visit a local tavern. We peddled back just in time to miss the rain, well the heavy rain :) 

Saturday we biked again. It still felt good. But after no cardio or weight on it for 5 weeks my leg was tired. My knee throbbed Saturday at times as we discovered Alex. I used my crutches as much as possible, but it still hurt. Matt was good about helping me out as much as possible. He is good like that.

I, however, am bad at not walking on it :(

Sunday and Monday I rested my knee. But it is still in pain. I don't know if its normal or not. They did say I would have some pain. But like everything else they haven't been specific about anything. 

In the mean time Sunday I received an email from my friend Donna. Her eye issues turn out to be caused by a brain tumor. WHAT??? So she is headed into brain surgery on June 10th. Puts my stupid knee in perspective quickly!! Please send Donna some good energy to recover fully from her surgery. Silver lining is there is only 2% chance this is cancerous. Whew. But still a major operation. A bunch of us girls took Donna out for lunch Monday and to discuss and strategize this procedure and recovery. We are all blessed to have each other :)

A Brace and a Bike.

I am able to start walking ... with crutches!!

I was fitted for a brace that will support my leg as I walk. The best news is I can bike this weekend!! Matt and I are headed to Alexandria and we were hopeful I could do this. We can now bike around instead of driving :) 

My ortho is very happy with my progress and anticipates me having a good recovery. 

The light at the end if this tunnel is getting brighter!!

5:8 and a longtime friend

Big shout out to Amy Piggee for picking me up and taking me to 5:8 club for lunch. It was nice to get out of my house and catch up with Amy!! Time always flies when we are together, it is amazing to think we have known each other since 4th grade!! 

She also insisted on mowing my yard when she dropped me off - she is THE BEST!! 

I watched as Governor Dayton signed to law to legalize gay marriage. I am thrilled. This is huge! I can't wait to see some of my favorite couples finally be able to be legally united!

It was 98 degrees today. Crazy! Sat out front with Tracy as Lucien played an the dogs panted. It was awesome!

Eddie, Tracy, Lucien and I went to DQ tonight. We sat out on the patio there and enjoyed the amazing weather and yummy DQ :)

Great day!

Historic Vote for MN!

In the words of Bon Jovi; Whoa whoa, I'm Halfway there! 

Hard day at the office. I was physically texted. Lots of moving around from elevator bank to elevator bank. My hands hurt as I forgot my biking gloves. Ugh! Ride with Eddie and Lucien to and from work, my neighbor baby makes me smile, so awesome! 

Historic day?

Listening live to the marriage debate on the House floor and seeing if pass. I am so proud of how the debate was handled and even more proud that it passed. Next up Monday, the Senate vote. I still find it sad this is up for debate. This is about equal rights, not about religion. If people can get married at a drive thru in Vegas, then this is NOT about religion. It's that simple to me. This isn't bad for kids, telling kids some people are okay to love and others are not, that is bad for kids. Anyways. I'm off my soap box, but so happy that soon my friends in loving committed relationships can legally recognize them!

As for my knee. It was pretty swollen today do I'm laying low this weekend. 

I'm half way there, like a horse the barn now. 

It takes a village.

Past the two week mark. Woohoo!
Four weeks to go.
Hopefully three.

Matt came down Thursday night. No snow! We made dinner, played cribbage, he managed garbage duty and also cleaned up after dinner. I almost had a come from behind victory in cribbage, but alas I lost :(

This weekend the girls invaded my life :) Friday Jena brought dinner and we are watched "Gangster Squad". Jena also surprised me with her super duper yummy bars. Good and bad for me all at once!

Saturday, Tanya picked me up and we drove to Chanhassen to pick up our flower boxes. My yard is a disaster but my window boxes look great :)

Swaser, Donna and Jena joined TD and I for food and the Kentucky Derby. Swaser did all the cooking and brought margaritas too. I don't normally like them, but liked the premixed Barrio margaritas she bought. Donna brought a delicious lemon cake. Delicious! Vicki stopped by to bring me a new hair dryer, as yet another appliance went out in my house. I really hope that is the end of things breaking down!

Today, Becky is in town from Seattle so her, T, Julie, Tristen, Larry and I met up for brunch. Becky picked me up so we got some alone and "solve the worlds problems" time :)

This weekend I am reminded about how amazing my girlfriends are! I am truly blessed with great women to call friends!!